pigeons & a new path?

Ok pigeons.

They creep me out. The flutter of their wings, the cooing sound they make, they way they look. Everything. And a husband/wife team are determined, despite my best efforts, to perch on my balcony. They've been unable to build a nest because I keep scaring them off, but yet...they come back. Honestly, the dumbest animals in existence. For the past two mornings they have been my alarm clock at roughly 600-630 and nothing can shoot me out of bed faster and into my living room (wrapped in a towel) to slam open my balcony doors and engage in a little early morning rage.

The rage would come a whole lot faster if I didn't have to clamp my cycler lines, sanitize my hands, and put a cap over my catheter. I lose about 20-30 seconds of precious non-anger management time doing that. But it's probably a good amount of time for me to cool down--although it's also 20-30 more seconds that I get to brew and steam and simmer.

In other news, I am done my exams. I have one paper left to write and will hand that in on Monday. I don't know if I'm going to graduate. I haven't spent any of this week arguing with either the Faculty of Management or the Arts Faculty, but I may have to have a go at it this week. Ugh. I wish someone would just pop up and offer me the job of a lifetime. :) I do have something on the backburner that resulted from an interesting conversation on Tuesday that may be God showing me that "hello, this is the direction I had you going 15-16 years ago...get on it, child!" :) Praying about it and will share more once I know more.

Ugh.

Not a great day yesterday...it seems that graduating from this bloody university is going to be done with a bit of a struggle. I got a D+ in my stats class last semester, about which I was pretty excited actually. I DIDN'T FAIL! :) Turns out, I need to have a C- in order to graduate. :/ I e-mailed the prof and asked him if there was anything that could be done to bump my grade or if I could do an extra assignment or something. No go from his end, apparently. He did suggest that I try to work the system to see if they'll re-consider that particular criterion for that course. *sigh* My motivation plummeted.

Not graduating also affects job prospects. Not that I've been particularly aggressive in looking for a job (I do have a position in NICU, but it's not really enough to live off of and it's a .30FTE which means no benefits). But still. *more sigh*

Did I take completely the wrong path? Did I "waste" a year? The verse that's been running pretty constantly through my mind is from Hebrews: "never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Oh, but I sure wish I didn't feel alone in this! Because right now I have no clue what to do. No plans, no idea, nothing..

And I definitely hate being in that position...I like KNOWING. Which is probably why I'm in exactly the position I'm in. I seriously wish God would get my attention in different ways...like, with a new car :) or a $10,000 cheque :P You know...something like that. A car with a big bow on it saying "With Love, from God" ;)

Ahhhh but at least I can laugh. And I trust in the provision of God, and I know that despite not feeling it, I am in the centre of His love, and always in His thoughts. And that HE does have a plan, even if I don't.
Thank God for that!