coming soon...

...a post about idolatry.
It's probably gonna *ouch* so it may take me awhile to get around to writing it! :)

In the meantime, something for amusement!

quickie

I haven't written in a bit--partly avoidance, partly too busy. The avoidance is that while I've read Days 4 & 5 in Purpose-Driven Life, I'm still working my way through Day 3. And by "working through" I mean avoiding. ;) I've actually been reading my way through Proverbs as a bunch of lessons to myself on making good choices, following wisdom & honesty, etc etc.

Fortunately, I have no life so there's really not much to update. ;) I didn't get the Library job I interviewed for last week--they went with an internal candidate--which is totally fine. It would have been nice, but it's obviously not God's plan/choice. Which is totally what I'm looking for/pursuing. There are other options out there and I'm sure I'll be doing more interviews here in the next week or so.
It was good to hear that I "aced the interview and have a really strong resume and background" Woohoo! :)

So I'll keep pressing on (there's a quote about that I need to find and ruminate more on).

Song 5

I've really taken a shine to this band: 10th Avenue North. Amazing song.

Day 3 (con't)

Yes. I'm still working through Day 3. I've reread it 2 or 3 times and have just finished journalling through the 5 common things that drive people (fear, need for approval, anger/resentment, materialism, guilt) and will work through the 5 benefits of a purpose-driven life tomorrow. Yes, I have a private journal--because I need to actually WRITE things out) and then am blogging some of what goes into my private journal. Plus more.

I really didn't expect to get stumped on Day 3!! I honestly expected to breeze through the 40 days an emerge at the end of it having grown, but relatively unscathed. Uhhhhh not so much.

I have a feeling there's going to be a major shift going on in my perceptions, my thinking, etc. Which is good, and necessary..but I guess I was a little over-confident at my ability to "absorb." :) Silly me!

I definitely need to have more of a reliance on God. It's been an effort to turn my trust over to Him as I look for a job, but I need to because I get frustrated and anxious and tense when I even look at job ads. That's not how I want to be. I know in my head that God has perfect timing. That knowledge just has to connect to my heart. So I surrender over and over and over again. There's no point, is there, in just surrending a little bit of my life to God. It has to be my whole life. *deep breath* A little scary, but probably far more worthwhile than me clenching my life tighly in my fist afraid to "let go & let God." Silly that we think we need to see the plan first before we approve it. Oh how arrogant we humans are!!

Anyway, tomorrow or Tuesday I'll finish up with Day 3. :)

Day 3

Theme: What Drives Your Life?

I read this last night after I got home from work. And quickly realized that this is one meaty chapter and that it's going to take me several days to go over & absorb a lot of the things that were said. So "Day 3" will continue for several days.

If I give a very fast answer to the question above, I would probably say something like "fear" or "money"--not fear in an afraid-of-life sense or money in a materialistic sense..but both having to do with paying bills, working enough, that sort of thing.

So I know right there that my focus is wrong. My focus & my priority, my drive, needs to BE God. Of course I have to pay my rent and my bills and be responsible by showing up at work on time etc etc...but that needn't be/shouldn't be a priority.

I am still totally stuck on the question "What am I supposed to BE when I grow up" I don't know why I can't shake this thought out of my head. I don't even have a dream career in mind! What I do want to do, though, is work in a college or university setting. Registrar's Office sort of thing. I prefer working more with or around students than I really do with adults. I like to help people, have answers to their questions, know information that's helpful, do detail-y type work but not super attentive-to-detail stuff.

Now I'm rambling. :)

But anyway. I feel this clenching in my chest whenever I think about a "career" or "what I'm supposed to do" So taking this time to really clarify that God has a purpose in my life is needed. I'm trying to give up the whole "must have a career" mental tape that I've got going on and just rest in God. When I feel that fist in my chest unclench, I'll let you know! :)

Day 2

Theme: You Are Not An Accident

Isaiah 46:3-4 really stuck out in this chapter
"I have carried you since you were born. I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you."

The promises of God taking care of me are incredibly reassuring! I always feel sorry for people who are alone or have no family around. Perhaps I empathize because I'm single and wouldn't mind every now and then having someone to lean on and just take care of me! I don't doubt God's care, but that tangible touch would also be nice!

I decided to keep reading through this section if Isaiah as part of my devotions and Isaiah 48:17b also jumped out at me.
"I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to do what is good, who teaches you in the way you should go."

As I hunt for a different job and really seek God's leading, I want to cling to this verse. I want to really trust in God's plan and path for my life. I want to be thankful for all the blessings I have and to not complain about the nagging little things that sometimes get in the way or make for "easy" conversation.

The question given at the end of this chapter is a bit of an "ouch": "I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?"

Uhhhh I don't think I have enough space for this answer!!

In my notes, I wrote out a bit of a list of things that I ruminate over. Reading it over, it's not really so much to do with personality or anything, but more to do with my choices. Am I making good choices? How will I know if I make a 'right' choice? If God created me exactly the way I am can I use that as an excuse to be "lazy" and just say "God created me this way!" Ha!
Wouldn't it be convenient to use that as an excuse to cover all manner of indulgences and avoidances and 'flaws'?? :)
As soon as I thought of that, my mind jumped to Romans 12:1
"I urge you...in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship."

Ok ok, off to the gym I go! :/ ;)
It's ME that wants to lose 30 pounds. It's me that wants to be more comfortable in my own skin. So I'm going to have to work for it by changing my eating habits and exercising. Do I want to take this verse to the extreme and make my entire life about being a bodily sacrifice? No. I want to be healthy. I want to give honour to God by the choices I make and one aspect of that is through discipline in terms of food & exercise. And for me this is an area of concern because so much of my life has been focused on it in one way or another--usually as a negative. I find it very hard to view myself positively. I'm getting better, but it sure ain't easy!!
Offering my body also means challenging my mind, taking care of my emotions, and investing in my relationships. It's a life BALANCE. And through balance we honour God. We honour His creation. We respect who & what He created us to be.

So through all of that I am reassured that I am not an accident. I am here for God's purpose. And so are you. :) And I'm glad that you're not an accident either. After all, God don't make no junk!!

Song #6

Chris Rice - Life Means So Much
The lyrics are AMAZING!

Day 1

I'm going to TRY to blog every day for the next 40 days as I read through Rick Warren's "A Purpose Driven Life." I read this book a couple of years ago and thought to myself that yeah, this was a decent read. I didn't really absorb it though. I didn't interact with it as I probably should have.

Recently I've been really questing to improve my personal relationship/time with God. It's been playing second fiddle...or third fiddle...or really, sitting backstage...a lot of the time and that's SO not what I want or what I'm about or what I want to be about.

Basically I'm trying to spend more time reading the Bible, and more time praying/talking to God. I have the ability to control a lot of my thinking, but I am realizing that there needs to be some major surrendering going on in terms of "contol"--oh how I love control. And oh how I'm not in control! :)

Anyway, Day 1's concept is that "it's not about ME" and that I was created by His purpose FOR His purpose. That puts a whole different slant on today's thinking of what do *I* want, where am *I* supposed to be, what am *I* supposed to do. God has created ME for HIS purpose. It's a baby step because inside the heart of me there's a little person wailing and screaming asking "what about me? what's the plan? what's the purpose? tell me now now now!! I MUST know now so I can decide if *I* agree!!" HAHA. Yeah, isn't that how we think? We want God to show us the plan so we can decide if it's good enough or if it's "right." That's about where I'm at on this journey and I want to be able to shut that little person up by trusting in God and that He is in control. Am I making sense?

This is the verse that really struck me in today's reading: "A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree." (Prov 11:28).
That is what I want my life to be: God-shaped. Not self-centred Rachel-shaped.
And it is my hope & prayer that on this journey that is what I'll move towards. A woman with a God-shaped life who is still young at heart and completely dorky. ;)

song #7

George Canyon's Ring of Fire. Yes, an original Johnny Cash, but I do like this version. I did NOT like Adam Lambert's version on this season's American Idol!

"news"

I am trying to give up junk food.

Why? Well...it's processed, has high calories, and of no nutritional value. And in it's own way is an unhealthy addiction. Of course when I was out walking this morning I was thinking "oooooo I should stop at KFC on my way home. KFC is chicken. Chicken is good. And their fries & gravy....." Yeah, ain't it funny how the brain works?!!? Argh! So I didn't go. I avoided driving past any fast food restaurants and stopped in at Sobey's to buy salad stuff, bell peppers, etc. It's not easy, you know. There's so much "easy" food out there and I am not really a fan of cooking...so hunkering down with a bag of sunflower seeds and a book is more my nutritional speed. :/ But I have to change that, I really really do!!

In other news..ha! what other news?!? I changed my apartment around and gave it a pretty good cleaning. I lost the cap to my olive oil bottle under the stove (bugger!). I am applying left right and centre for jobs at the university and college because, frankly, those are the two places I'd like to work. I got a wiifit and am trying to use it daily (I quite like the ski jump and the hula hoop!). The date that I thought might turn into something more didn't...or hasn't. BOO! :)

OK, I think that's enough in the way of "news" :)

to do

Up this morning at 530, but finally saw sense and went back to bed at 730. Up an hour later and met Lesley at Henderson for our usual walk. The bugs are getting pretty bad, so we're trying a new route tomorrow.

Today's TO DOs:

-CLEAN BATHROOM (this is priority #1)
-put dishes away
-change room around (this is a seasonal thing...I usually have a spring/summer room and a fall/winter room). :)
-pick up 2X2s at Home Hardware
-UofL bookstore ($2 book sale!!)
EDIT:
-Stop thinking about you know who (work in progress)

Ok, I guess I should get to the bathroom cleaning. Once it's done, I'll feel better!

Today's song could perhaps be on my Top 10. I love the lyrics and the simplicity of it.

Song #8

I remember my Mom introducing me to this song--to all 50s 60s music actually--and this has long remained a favourite. If you need to smile, listen to this song!

I watched Fireproof yesterday. I've heard a lot about it from friends whose churches have hosted it, so when I saw it on the shelf at the video store, I decided to rent it. Plus, Kirk Cameron was my second big celebrity crush (Chris Atkins was the first), I couldn't resist.

Phew. Talk about a tearjerker! It wasn't the best movie filmed and some of the dialogue was fakey fakey, but it did have a good message about needing Jesus. I think the Love Dare can be practiced in all kinds of relationships--take that extra time to really connect with someone else and make them feel valued.

Introducing people to Jesus, to a RELATIONSHIP, is something that I've been working on recently. Not that I'm forcing myself to do it, but I'm watching for it in conversations. A few people that I've been talking to have really shown a hunger for God and I just want to remain open to building that relationship and talking about all things faith related. Am I making sense? I don't want to be someone who shoves Jesus down someone's throat, then leaves them so I can move on to the next person. I dunno...to me that seems more damaging than healing or loving. I want to build that friendship so that they see Jesus in every part of life. That He isn't a crutch, but a part of the everyday, the mundane, the spectacular, the challenging...

For sure I need to build Jesus more into my everyday. Which is why it's a relationship, right? It takes work and commitment. :)

Song #9

Song 9 is Oh Yeah, from the Ferris Bueller's Day Off soundtrack (that title sounds wrong...is it wrong?) Loved this song the moment I heard it and still have it on my workout mix. :)




We'll try for more serious writing tomorrow.

Song #10

One more night of work left in this set of 3. It's been ssllllllooooooowwwwww. Last night was much better than the first one because I actually got some sleep and the doctor-on-call bought us pizza and I kept myself busy.

It's 330 now and I'm feeling pretty good. I'll probably try for another nap around 6 or 7, but for now I'm feeling OK. I should REALLY do laundry!!

I've been trying to think of some of my Top 5 or 10 songs. Song 10 is Simple Minds "Don't You (Forget About Me)" from the Breakfast Club soundtrack. When this song came out I was in grade 8 and it was not too long before we moved from Saskatchewan to Alberta, so it was one of those songs that means a lot and has always stuck in my head.

writing to write.

I've been waiting for my grades to be posted for the past week and they've been there! For how long I don't know, but there's a notification that pops up saying new grades have been posted. It didn't notify me, so I didn't think of checking inside the class page on WebCT. AAAAHHHH. Two finals still haven't been posted and I haven't gotten a mark back for the paper I handed in Monday. I hope that prof is distracted because I SOOOOOO did it wrong! It's a decent research paper, but I followed the outline in the textbook as opposed to the outline in the class handout. Oops. I knew I should have checked that first! Oh well...

I am so beyond caring. I rocked four of my five classes this semester, and those were actually the ones I was interested in. Surprising how that works eh?

I applied to the college today (deadline is tomorrow). I'm registering for Communication Arts--the first year is all the same, regardless of whether you're on track for broadcasting, print, or PR. I was originally thinking of broadcasting and that's been the "jump up and smack me" sign, but I'm also thinking I'd REALLY like to refine my writing--which would be why I'm blogging like a madwoman. I'm trying to get in at LEAST 30 minutes of writing a day.

I'm still working on the whole "discipline" resolution I made a year ago New Year's. Can you say "work in progress"?? :) I'm doing far better with that though. Being crazy busy definitely helps with time management and prioritizing the things I think are important. Like walking or going to the gym. Like reading for pleasure. :) Like writing. Like not eating sunflower seeds! That was a hard one today because I got my monthly blood work done and usually after getting bloodwork done I buy a bag of spitz as a treat--high in phosphorus, sucks calcium from your bones, nasty nasty (like all dark colas, except rootbeer)--but I'm really trying to watch what I eat and eat better. So I made a cheese quesadilla instead (that was my treat, high dairy is also a no-no). Ohhhhh but I love cheese! I actually have a recipe for potatoes that uses gruyere and I REALLY want to make that tonight after work!

Ok, I could write for ages, so I should probably shut for now. :) I have a couple of videos I'll add when I'm not at work and actually have YouTube access.

housekeeping

Getting up early and heading to the lake for a walk hit new earlies this morning thanks to the husband-wife pigeon team trying to exercise their conjugal relations outside my window at 6am. Seriously. Is that not TOO EARLY for that sort of business? There was much flapping of wings and I think the wife really was telling him to piss off. If she wasn't, I did with the spray of a bottle full of vinegar-water. That'll put a kink in the mood, I'm sure! :)

So at 7am I was tootling my way around the lake (it's 3km around, just so y'all don't think I'm doing marathons early in the morning). It was a little on the brisk side, but the sun was shining!! Nary a cloud in sight, thank the good Lord! There were a few other early morning souls out there walking dogs, running, being all sorts of healthy.

Which is a GREAT segue into my next topic. Man, I'm good! *toot toot*

Turned the TV on when I got home and Joyce Meyer's Everyday Living was on. I like Joyce Meyer's. She's more pentecostal than I will ever be, but she's got a zest for living and a zest for God that is refreshing. Plus, she's a great speaker. She was speaking today on the health of our bodies.

Her question was this: "If God lives in you, how are you taking care of it (your body)?" I love this question because it's so true. Think about the food we eat, the compromises we make in nutrition or exercise. I know I do. This morning for example. Ok, so I went for a walk and I'm meeting up with Lesley later this morning to go again, but when I got home, I didn't feel like taking the pot I needed out of the dishwasher so I could boil an egg. Ummm. Yeah, ridonkulous. I do have an egg boiling NOW, but at first I was just going to forego it because I couldn't be bothered.

Here's the thing: I NEED the protein. I don't like eggs if they're not boiled (I can also tolerate poached, but that's more of a restaurant thing).

Anyway. How often does that happen? Probably quite often.
And here's something else that kind of scared me. I've been watching Biggest Loser this season and they showed before-and-after MRI results from one of the contestants(Ron) and the FAT packed around his heart and organs before he lost over 100 pounds was SCARY. I've never thought about that before. Why we are not educated in regards to this stuff, I don't know. We should be.

I want to lose 20-30 pounds over the next few months 1-because I need to, 2-because I want to be healthier, and 3-because my body is a temple of the living God and I need to treat it better. I need to do some housekeeping!

exercise & taxes

Pretty nice day today. The weather channel said snow was in the forecast, but I didn't see any. The wind WAS coming from the north, so it was a little on the chilly side, but not horrid. Stumbled out of bed FAR too early this morning, totally disoriented 'cause my cycler alarm kept ringing off and I would just mute it instead of actually DO anything about it. Found myself at Henderson Lake. Don't really remember the drive over, but it was a nice walk once I woke up and realized where I was. Apparently in my half-awake state it was important for me to start off the day with some exercise.

Can I say "pre-start" because I don't think I was quite awake when my brain and my body conspired in order to get me to the lake for a walk. :)

Then I went to Tim Horton's and got half a cup of tea and half a cup of hot water *sigh*...why do they think people can't tell when they do crap like that? I WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO MAKE A FRESH POT!! So if I go to that Tim Horton's again I'll be walking in so I can keep my beady little eye on what they're doing. If I wanted hot water and weak tea, I would have stayed home! *grumble*

Then I went over to Walmart just to wander around. Oh, and I needed Tums, although when I walked in the door I couldn't remember what I was there for. A wii game maybe? Noooo... A new book? Keep trying! So I finally remembered and escaped with Tums, kleenex, and lotion. Walmart is like the vortex of inadvertent spending! So I'm glad I got out with only 3 items. And I avoided the Spitz aisle like the plague!!!

Oh yes. I also did my taxes. I am getting a very healthy refund. Thank the good Lord and please don't audit me. Although an audit wouldn't be awful because I am an honest person and I DO have all my receipts! (which reminds me, I should go get a receipt from the YWCA for my gym membership because I do claim that--medical expenses, woot!)

Met up with Lesley for another walk around the lake at 230. Less windy and the bugs were starting to come out. I was really hoping the snow had killed those buggers off. Apparently not.

Now I'm home, cooking dinner. I rented some movies and am going to enjoy my evening of nothingness!

For your video amusement today: human tetris from a Japanese game show :)

enigma wrapped in a mystery..or the other way around?

This totally interesting plan jumped up and smacked me in the face to get my attention last night. I promised the other person involved that I wouldn't say anything yet, but man! I am so excited about it! How long will you have to wait, you ask? Well...9 months? NO!! I'm kidding! We're actually working out a timeline on Friday so I might have more of an idea then. Once it gets going though, it'll likely get put together pretty quickly. Rough idea, in my mind anyway, is end of June.

The one thing I can say is that I'm going to apply to the college for the fall. I KNOW! More school if everything falls into place. But this one is directly in line with the plan that jumped up and smacked me in the face. :) It'll be the work-school thing again.

There are pigeon tracks all over the snow on my balcony. I threw water at them TWICE yesterday, but honest to goodness, this battle has been going on for over a year. If I had a pellet gun and no conscience I would make quick work of the situation...and likely jeopardize the lives of small children playing across the alley. As it is, I'm going to tear down the ineffective screen that's blowing in tatters across my balcony and put up a new netting. However, it is NOT a one-woman job, and as much as I rock I need HELP. I'll have to drag a couple of friends over to help me. Or wait 'til my Mom comes down for a visit. She's handy. :) I'm more of a fix-the-toilets and hammer-in-the-nails kind of person when it comes to fixit stuff.

Huh...my taxes are calling. I guess I can't fob them off or avoid them, so I'd better get at it. Or maybe I'll sit on my comfy couch and have some tea. I like that idea better! :)

babble

It is SNOWING.
Let me remind you that it is the END of April. May starts in 4 days. Something is wrong here. I don't like snow during the winter...I like it even less in the spring!

What else? Well, let's see. I've got a pain in my ribs. No, not a pain, that's wrong. More like a breathing pressure. It's not in my chest, so I know it's not anything respiratory--and while I've been around a lot of people who've been in Mexico recently, they don't have any symptoms and they're all nurses, so handwashing is a major priority, with or without the pandemic threat. It's not scary enough for me to see my doctor and I kind of think it's because I've been sitting so much--studying, writing papers, work, etc. So what I really need to do is a lot of stretching and a lot of building up of the core muscles to counteract all the sitting I've been doing!

I had plans to hand in a paper today (I did send in the powerpoint slides for the presentation this morning), but there's SO MUCH I want to write about. I'm at work now and I should be able to spend a bit of time finishing it up. This prof has been SO LENIENT with me, it's been awesome. Helps that I rocked his class last semester and spent the whole time talking to him. :)

I have to do my taxes this week. I'm off Tuesday and Wednesday (as far as I know), so will do them up then. Yeah yeah I don't usually leave it 'til the last day (sorry Uncle Doug!) but the past two months have been so busy it hasn't been very high on my priority list!

I've picked up a ton of shifts in July & August (and I'm sure quite a few will pop up in May & June), so I'm not particularly stressed about finding a "real job," but at the same time, I feel like I'm putting pressure on myself to DO something. *sigh* I kind of think this rib pain might be a little bit of anxiety building up--what with writing this paper, working, personal stuff, blah blah blah--and I need to bleed this anxiety off. Well, not bleed literally. :) But get rid of it! That's what the May Workout Challenge is for! :)

Right, so "real job." This is a direction I've really been praying about. If I stay in Lethbridge, I'd like to work at the college or the university and I'm actually going to talk to a lady in HR about working at the university, so that's good. But some other ummm educational opportunities seem to be presenting themselves, so I think I'm going to pursue that too to see if God keeps that door open or shuts it. It wasn't even a door I was looking for, but fell through anyway...so that leads me to think that God is pointing me in that direction. It combines music and ministry, which would be awesome.

pigeons & a new path?

Ok pigeons.

They creep me out. The flutter of their wings, the cooing sound they make, they way they look. Everything. And a husband/wife team are determined, despite my best efforts, to perch on my balcony. They've been unable to build a nest because I keep scaring them off, but yet...they come back. Honestly, the dumbest animals in existence. For the past two mornings they have been my alarm clock at roughly 600-630 and nothing can shoot me out of bed faster and into my living room (wrapped in a towel) to slam open my balcony doors and engage in a little early morning rage.

The rage would come a whole lot faster if I didn't have to clamp my cycler lines, sanitize my hands, and put a cap over my catheter. I lose about 20-30 seconds of precious non-anger management time doing that. But it's probably a good amount of time for me to cool down--although it's also 20-30 more seconds that I get to brew and steam and simmer.

In other news, I am done my exams. I have one paper left to write and will hand that in on Monday. I don't know if I'm going to graduate. I haven't spent any of this week arguing with either the Faculty of Management or the Arts Faculty, but I may have to have a go at it this week. Ugh. I wish someone would just pop up and offer me the job of a lifetime. :) I do have something on the backburner that resulted from an interesting conversation on Tuesday that may be God showing me that "hello, this is the direction I had you going 15-16 years ago...get on it, child!" :) Praying about it and will share more once I know more.

upcoming

Upcoming topics:

-Shabbat & a Kashrut diet
-I may vent about pigeons
-jackets & shoes
-goal-setting for May "the 31 days of discipline"
-I'll probably talk about cleaning. It needs to get done. And organizing. I have a lot of that to do too!!

For now, though, one of my favourite bands--Kawaihae--performing Kona Sky. I THINK I was at this performance. I'm good friends with the guy on the far right (he's my dream guy!!), but I do know them all. And for a piece of trivia, I introduced V. to the restaurant where this band formed and practiced. :)

shingo mama & AdvOB

Saw on the Japanese news today that one of the singers of SMAP (a silly non-talented, but very popular boy band) was arrested this morning at about 3am for public nakedness, drunkenness, etc etc. So then I thought of this video, which always makes me laugh.

ShingoMama


The SMAP member arrested is not the main one singing, but he is in the video wearing a red & white t-shirt and red pants.

In other news, I've been up since 630 (stupid pigeons!) and I'm half-heartedly studying for my Advanced Organizational Behaviour class. Still one more exam tomorrow, which reminds me I should take all my stuff with me today because I'm working right after the exam. I should go get gas and a steeped tea. Mmmmmm. I thought about going to the gym, but I am just NOT that motivated today.

After exams I'm going to set myself a pretty intense workout schedule. I'll have the free time, and I want to make use of it!

Plans for summer/next fall are still being prayerfully considered. God is showing me an interesting direction. More later, honest!!

"free" and clean!

Had my second exam this morning and it went well...I knew everything that was asked on the exam and I think I did pretty good. I HOPE I did pretty good! Not that I'm going to graduate now, but regardless, I should still put forth a good effort! :) Three exams and one paper to go.

Today, though, I'm not even thinking about school stuff. I've got the rest of the day "free" and I'm going to CLEAN. If my blood pressure can keep up with me, that is. I keep standing up and doing something and it keep dropping. So I feel like junk. But I'll muddle along and slowly work on getting this place back into shape.

I'm also going to write down places I can apply to and start getting that ready to go. I should definitely start looking for something full-time-ish. I've applied for a part-time position as Coordinator of the Campus Women's Centre which I think would be GREAT experience, but it's only 10-15 hours a week. Which for me is actually ideal 'cause I can keep my NICU position and keep picking up in the Delivery Suite. Plus dedicate May to walking and going to the gym Biggest Loser style :D

I've lost 20-25 pounds over the past couple of months and I have that much more to go. I'd like to do THAT before my high school reunion in August. Ohhhhh it always comes down to the reunion doesn't it??

Regardless of the fact that I'm going to look at these people like they're still 16 and not 35! :)

Right...so. Cleaning. Back at it! There is soooo much to do!
Baby steps, baby steps!!

Ugh.

Not a great day yesterday...it seems that graduating from this bloody university is going to be done with a bit of a struggle. I got a D+ in my stats class last semester, about which I was pretty excited actually. I DIDN'T FAIL! :) Turns out, I need to have a C- in order to graduate. :/ I e-mailed the prof and asked him if there was anything that could be done to bump my grade or if I could do an extra assignment or something. No go from his end, apparently. He did suggest that I try to work the system to see if they'll re-consider that particular criterion for that course. *sigh* My motivation plummeted.

Not graduating also affects job prospects. Not that I've been particularly aggressive in looking for a job (I do have a position in NICU, but it's not really enough to live off of and it's a .30FTE which means no benefits). But still. *more sigh*

Did I take completely the wrong path? Did I "waste" a year? The verse that's been running pretty constantly through my mind is from Hebrews: "never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Oh, but I sure wish I didn't feel alone in this! Because right now I have no clue what to do. No plans, no idea, nothing..

And I definitely hate being in that position...I like KNOWING. Which is probably why I'm in exactly the position I'm in. I seriously wish God would get my attention in different ways...like, with a new car :) or a $10,000 cheque :P You know...something like that. A car with a big bow on it saying "With Love, from God" ;)

Ahhhh but at least I can laugh. And I trust in the provision of God, and I know that despite not feeling it, I am in the centre of His love, and always in His thoughts. And that HE does have a plan, even if I don't.
Thank God for that!

nickelback and jumping rope

Let me start off by saying I'm not a Nickelback fan. Other than the fact that I like pretty much all of the songs that they've released, I'm not a Nickelback fan :P

This song is continuing on with yesterday's theme of connecting :) Gosh I'm good! ;)

This morning I walked around Henderson (3km). I considered doing another half a loop, but the bugs were starting to drive me a little nuts and it was time for my steeped tea! :)

Today's agenda: boring. I have two exams to study for, so I'll spend an hour studying for one, break, an hour studying for another, break, lather, rinse, repeat.
I wouldn't mind getting out for another walk at some point later today and I should also seriously consider some laundry. Right now I'm in the "maintenance" phase of cleanliness/cleaning/apartment upkeep. Once school's done...oh man, this place is getting a going over from top to bottom!!! I am going to throw stuff out, donate, clean, and scrub this place to within an inch of its life! :) I am sooooooooooo looking forward to that! Have I said that already? I'll probably say it again.

Oh...and because we all need to sit around with our jaw dropped to the floor: watch this video. The kids are between 9 and 13/14. CRAZY athletic!

connection

Usually when going about my day I watch people and eventually pick a "Favourite Person of the Day" because of something funny they're doing that makes me laugh. It's not someone I know, but someone I've observed.

Recently I was driving to the university, going up Bridge Dr. as per usual and I had on "Tempo" a classical show on CBC Radio 2. Playing was some pounding driving stunning orchestral piece that vibrated down to your soul. I pulled up to the lights at the top of the hill and looked in my rearview mirror to see some university student conducting his heart out to the music. I'm thinking we were listening to the same thing. But he won my "Favourite of the Day" award that day. :)

I've been cloistered inside the walls of work today since 3, so I haven't seen anything particularly unusual--at least for me. But I did walk onto the elevator at about 5:30 carrying 6 slurpees and instantly handed one tray to the woman standing on the elevator because the other 3 were about to fall out of my arms. Who says people never talk in elevators?? :)

This brings me to something that's been of interest to me lately: connecting with people. Smiling, saying hi, holding doors, etc etc. I think it's becoming more and more necessary and I'm finding that it's becoming more and more important for me to connect to others. It doesn't even have to be anything deep...just something to let people know that they are seen.

Can I get paid for doing that? Seriously...I am so out of the loop as to what I should be doing with my life. I hope to know by May 1st, because I need to pay rent! :)

Anyway, continuing on with the theme of connecting/connection...I think about my own relationships. I have different levels of relationships with different people--as do we all. I have pretty good family relationships, and I do have a family that rocks! I have a few really close male and female friends whom I love to bits. I have a few "testing the waters" friends, where we're in that whole "let's spend a little bit of time together to see how it goes" phase! Kind of like dating. :) But breaking up with friends is sooo hard. I've done it twice and I don't like doing it.

As for a deep personal relationship with some significant guy. Oh boy, kettle of worms! I haven't really been open to that, until lately. It's not that I've felt I've been missing out, or my life ALONE hasn't been unhealthy, but I've really been feeling that gentle nudge to start opening my heart. It's an interesting place to be in because I still feel like I'm trying to figure myself out as a whole person (emotional, physical, spiritual, mental) that making room for another person in my life seems...odd.

But it also seems to be happening.

And I'm not freaking out. Now THAT is interesting.
It will be interesting ;)

uh oh post crazy starting!

Yeah...now I'm going to go all post crazy! I adore Joshua Radin's music. Absolutely adore it. It's the music I go to sleep with every night. It's so soothing and simple and melodic. This is not the video, obviously, but a nice little powerpoint type thingy done with the song. It's a bit of a sad break up type of song, but I just like it! :) The whole album, actually, is great.

blog start

Well, I was originally going to use this blog for a class project, but ended up doing something different. So I'm going to use it to post videos I like and talk about "stuff" :)

The first video I'm going to post is one of my favourite "pick me ups." It's a Skype laughter chain and it's simply meant to make you laugh. I think laughter is hugely important and I try not to take myself too seriously!!



Anyone who knows me knows that I have problems buying three things: shoes, jackets, and hairspray.

I'll leave the shoes and jackets issue for another post, but I'm going to talk about hairspray. I CAN NEVER BUY THE RIGHT KIND OF HAIRSPRAY! I either buy some black market awful-from-pre-Wall-Fall-Down-Eastern-European crap that smells like dog poo, or something that freezes my hair into a shiny helmet fit for making calls to aliens in outer space.

Not good.

What I would LIKE from my hair product is something that holds my hair in place but doesn't make my head into a rigid helmet or look like bugs would stick! Right now I'm trying out Tresemme (I caved in to the promises of the commercial, I admit it), and it's doing an OK job. By OK I mean that it sort of holds my hair in place until I get out the door (but not much further, unlike the 24 hour hold promised in the commercial!), and it doesn't make me look like I'm wearing a wig. I don't have a huge attachment to my hair, but I do admit that bad hair days are frustrating. Plus, I'm trying to grow my hair long...so that's an adventure in itself--thanks to the hairdresser who gave me layers when I didn't want them and left the bottom looking a bit mullet-ish. I tell ya...if I were better with scissors I would have cut my own hair.

Phew, thank goodness I'm not vain! ;)